I've been watching this series called Taboo, and just finished watching one on gender.  The most powerful part was a MtF, but it was still pretty awesome.

The series takes a look at things that are considered taboo by different societies and I highly recommend the whole thing, but that particular gender one seemed pretty relevant to interests here, so if you've got netflix or access to it online, I recommend it.

So with the Christmas season coming up, and the girl friend wanting to know what sorts of things I wanted for the future, I've been doing a lot of look at clothes, and packers and other sorts of things.

And I wanted to know, if anyone has experience with those sorts of *good* quality things... are they worth it?  Not just for the way that people see you when you're out.. but for your own comfort in the body.

Is it WORTH that sort of money, from a mental/emotional standpoint?

I know everyone is different and what works for one person doesn't work for the next, but I'd like to get some sort of feedback, so *any* opinion is helpful!

So I was bemoaning the lack of a livejournal community that I felt could really get my situation last night, when the person I was talking to was like 'why don't you just join the non-op community for it?'

I had no idea you all existed.

And this morning, waiting for me in my e-mail inbox was a link here.  I guess before I get on with it, I just want to say that the community information is fucking awesome.  You all get credit for existing together here for me to find, but I like how everything was laid out, straight forward and no wishywashing around.

Wow I sound remarkably self-centered.

Anyway.  Much to my continuing dismay the body insists on being female.  Most of the time it's something I have to deal with, and some days it feels like it's enough to crush me.  The short hair helps, and being mistaken for a guy when wearing a sweatshirt, also nice.

But man cannot live on mistaken 'sirs' alone, am I right?

I'm looking for a good place to vent frustration/look for solutions on how to come to terms with a body that won't bend to my ideals of gender appearance.  Surgery is not an option for me, but anything else I can do to feel comfortable in it would be great.  Hell, finding other people that understand the issues is damn nice too, I'm open for lending the receiving ear in any kind of vent-fest too.

So, there's me.  Parker.

Hey Everyone-
The GenderQueerChat collab channel on youtube is looking for a person to make Friday videos!
Check out the call for auditions & let us know how awesome you are:


For everyone else, here's some of the fun stuff we do on GenderQueerChat (talent show!) and I encourage you all to subscribe:


Thanks,
Stephan

x-posted a bit =:-)

 I've always felt like "boy in a girl's body" was a pretty accurate description of myself, but I never felt like "transgender" was a proper name for how I felt, because I don't have a pressing need to transition. It's not that there aren't things about my body that I don't like...I wish I was less small and skinny...but I'd feel the same way if I had a dick. I'm just a small, skinny person. I believe that if I'd been born a boy, I'd probably be looking at things the other way around and feel like a girl in a boy's body. I'm actually extremely lucky in having such a skinny, angular body, because it's easy for people to take me for a boy when my hair is short.

I'm writing this now because I've gradually become more open about these feelings over the past 5 years. About 3 years ago, I cut my hair like a guy's for the first time, and it made me really happy when people would "mistake" me for a guy. I was wearing the same clothes and acting the same way, but I was passing, and it was great. But whenever I would talk to my friends about it, I'd act like it annoyed me. Of course I was bringing it up in the first place because I was so excited over it. But it was also really scary sometimes, because I've been bullied in the past over not being feminine. Sometimes I'd worry someone would notice my breasts or hips and they'd want to beat me up, or maybe they'd think I was a gay boy and bash me.

I moved to Manhattan over the summer, and now it's a lot easier for me to go outside and feel safe. Girls even smile at me and tell me I look good. I've just recently been talking to one of my friends about it without hedging with how annoyed I am. She's also sort of masculine-looking, and I've always felt more ok talking to her about it than with other folks. But she's straight, and I'm queer, so sometimes such conversations are a little awkward...she feels like looking masculine means she's ugly, although she will compliment me on looking like a "cute boy".

It's good to know I have a community here. I've been thinking about going to a transmasculine meeting at the LGBT Center, but I think it would be more towards people who want to get on T and have surgery. I don't really have anyone else to help me sort through this besides my straight friend.

Hi all - I am doing a thesis project in which I will interview people who identify as transgender or other gender variations and I am trying to find people that might be willing to help. I posted here previously so this is just a final reminder and attempt to find anyone that might still want to participate. If you think you might be interested, or know someone who might be interested, please check out my LJ for details.

You must be at least 18 years old and live in the United States.

Thanks for considering it!

Ok here goes,
First I just want to say that I think this community is great. It's full of options and inspiration and I love that.

As for my situation- I'm 22, biologically female, and so far, apart from cutting my hair short, I haven't done much in the way of change. Internally I feel like a sensitive/feminine male. I recently joined a group on Experience Project where people were telling stories of feeling like a 'gay man in a woman's body'. I'm not entirely sure I relate to that, but it's pretty close, if that makes sense. As far as I'm aware I like guys.. but only sensitive ones. Not the alpha/macho kind of guy. I can't relate to that at all..

But I also can't relate to being gay or particularly fancying gay guys.. (at least not stereotypically gay guys). So where does this leave me?  A sensitive straight guy who likes guys?!

I more or less told my parents this recently, and they were amazingly supportive. They just keep telling me to 'be myself' and I totally get this, this IS the right thing to do. Gender Schmender.. none of it really makes a great deal of sense to me anyway.. !! but my problem is society and the labels they put on people. I actually hate going out with my 'girl' friends at the moment because it just feels so... odd, I don't get the whole faffing around with what to wear/what not to wear lol, and texting each other to find out what each other is wearing! lol! I just don't get it!

I'm starting to become incredibly frustrated and miserable. I would be eternally grateful for any advice or mature perspectives on this? Also, is there any way that I could dress more 'male' without being seen as a lesbian? (sorry to be stereotypically but we all know the stereotypes and yes I do look like a lesbian currently!).

Thank you so much for your time and sorry about the ramblings!! :D

Hi All,
My name's Megan (online I prefer to be Lord Beardsley ;) and I'm 30. I don't think I've really ever known quite what to make of myself. When I was a little girl I was pretty girly, but also into boy stuff too. As I got older (9-10) I started really wanting to be a boy. I wanted to be called by a boy's name and fantisized about being one. When I got my period, it was one of the worst traumas ever. I never felt comfortable being a girl, but sometimes still liked dressing girly (which I really can't anymore because when I dress super girly, I feel like Gene Hackman in drag). I don't go out of my way to try to look like a boy (because it is frustratingly impossible as I really look like a girl). I have just normal medium length hair and always wear jeans and t shirts. I don't bind (because it makes me hot), but sometimes have thought about it.

Here's the weird part. So, I am in a lesbian relationship and am really attracted to girls. However, I'm also really attracted to boys, specifically gay boys. In fact, I feel like I AM a gay boy. As early as I can remember first knowing what being gay was, I truly felt I was a gay boy. All my fantasies revolve around being a gay boy and I have spent a long time feeling depressed about not being a gay boy. It's actually a huge problem for me. I don't understand it, and it won't ever go away. It's been like this since I was a young teen (at least).

I don't want to go through transitioning, I have a number of issues with that and am not willing to go through that whatsoever...but what's really hard is living as something that I'm not. I've wrestled with this for years and years. All through my teens and 20s. For a good portion of time I would nearly cry every day about it, consider suicide, that kind of thing. I'm past feeling that way now (yey anti-depressants), but these feelings don't go away. In my mind, I just waffle back and forth thinking "oh, it doesn't matter what my body happens to be. i'm me, i'm gender queer and i happen to biologically be a girl" but another half of me so desperately wants to be a gay male and live as one. It's really hard.

I was hoping I could maybe get some feedback, if any of you feel like it...well that would be greatly appreciated.
Confusedly Yours,
Lord Beardsley

Hi all - I am doing a thesis project in which I will interview people who identify as transgender or other gender variations and I am trying to find people that might be willing to help. If you think you might be interested, or know someone who might be interested, please check out my LJ for details. Thanks for considering it!

I have posted this request around many communities so far but I do want to mention that I am trying to interview at least a few people who do not plan to transition, do not want to transition, etc. And I would love to have some people from this community involved in the study just to gather some different opinions and experiences relating to your journey.

 

Thanks for reading.

December 26 2008 I realised, after much discussion with the most anti-trans person I know, that I had to transition.

January 14 2009 I changed my name.

January 16 2009 my mother died, and my dad was taken to hospital with a kidney infection.

Since then proceeding with transition, or indeed being known by the name I want to be, has become impossible, as I have to arrange for my father to be looked after. My cousin has intimated that my looking male is sufficient evidence of mental illness that it's no wonder my dad's psychiatrist and social workers want him to be placed under "guardianship" which means they can dictate where he lives and who he lives with (i.e. anyone but me).

To say that I'm rather at the end of my tether would be an extreme understatement. I'm sacrificing my own happiness for someone else's, and even that isn't enough. And to add insult to injury, my father is refusing to speak to me now, because I'm trying to be the responsible one and doing things for his own good, but that he doesn't want.

One day I'll get back to transitioning .... I hope.

Hi, all! I'm Tad. I'm 33 years old, born female and married to a straight man. I've only very recently admitted to and started to deal with a gender dysphoria that's been present at least since I was a teenager and which has been much worse for the past three years or so. I'm not sure if I'm genderqueer, bigendered or FtM, and am in the process of trying to figure that out. Because I love my husband and my marriage is very important to me, navigating the waters of a trans identity is especially difficult. He knows about what's going on and is doing his best to be supportive but, as you can imagine, the loss of the woman he loves is a big fear of his. He wants me to be happy, but he also wants to see if that's possible without transitioning. As for me, I think that if it weren't for him I would definitely want to transition, at least hormonally. Right now I'm only out to a couple of very close friends. I don't pass very well and I really don't like having to be exaggeratedly masculine in order to try, but I've only been attempting it for a very short period of time.

So my question is, for those of you who have chosen not to medically transition at all, how do you do it without being miserable? What about those who have chosen not to transition socially? Is it possible to be happy while still appearing as your assigned sex? What coping mechanisms do you use to make it more successful?

Any advice you have is greatly appreciated.

April Fools


for real it was once the new year.


MTF
anyway I am transitionong right now but I want to stop at an ochiectomy and not grow breast to be more andronogin and passable in more situations but my doctors insist that if I don't want breasts im not a girl, I have no doubt im a girl it's just I want to be rational about this?

How can I show the doctors i still want to be a girl without fully transitioning?

Interview on Out.com: Heather Cassils: Lady Gaga's Prison Yard Girlfriend

For those of you who feel comfortable sharing: What are your reasons for not pursuing HRT?

Hi I've been lurking here for a while, just now I stopped being a lazy S.O.B got up the courage to post, mostly because I have a somewhat small and inconsequential question.

( I'll try to make this really quick for everyone. )

Ok if I didn't kill anyone with my excessive amounts of TMI, I have a question. My hair is as curly as a mofo. It literally mats like a dog or cats fur if I forget to brush it less than 3 times in a day, and I need special shampoos to wash it because it's so curly (by the way the Cynthia Sylvia Stout shampoo by Lush is the best I've found if you have the same problems). Are there any other FTM's that have such curly hair? What did you do with it to make it look more masculine? I have really feminine features, and my hair either exaggerates it, or it makes me look like one of those creepy metal head guys that are trying to look like a slightly cleaner cut Charles Manson, because I can't cut it shorter without it matting even worse.

So yeah...curly hair FTM's how do you tame your unmanageable locks of doom?

hey everyone,

i'm eli. my partner liam (unearthingbone) and i are working on a zine about the trans/gender variant community and our relationships to our chests.  it would be great to hear the perspective of some non-medically-transitioning folks, so please consider submitting something!


The Community Chest Project wants to hear about your relationship with your chest.

How do you define your chest? How do you identify? What words do you use to identify your chest, if any? How do you feel about your chest? Does your chest -- or the shape of your chest -- impact your identity? Has your relationship with your chest, or your chest itself, changed over your lifetime? Would you change your chest?

We are two trans masculine(-ish) folks working on putting together a zine about chests. For trans*, gender-variant, people with trans history, genderqueer, other-gender, and cisgender folks all, we think our chests can be one of the most complex sites on the body, both culturally and individually.

( more )

Hi!!!:))) I'm Dis, a 28yrs girl from Greece and I was born in a male body. I gave lots of thought about transition and I decided it's not for me, at least not now, due to many reasons: no money, social dispproval and dysphoria, wanting to keep my natural reproductive capacity (I want to have a big big big family with lots of kids someday!), and it's also easier to find a romantic partner in my natural body rather than with an HRT/SRS-altered body: im a lesbian and I've found lesbians here to be transphobic or dislike transgender people so i dont dare find myself in a situation where i wont find a mate! well, to say the truth deep inside me im also very afraid of body changes etc, im even afraid of permanent hair removal (shaving is ok!)!!

so for now im a genderqueer. im also a feminist. i dont believe in societal expectations regarding gender. women can wear neckties, and men can wear skirts if they want to! women can be firefighters and men can cook food! disregarding gender roles is a political decision to allow everyone greater freedom, particularly for women and for women-trapped-in-male-bodies, but it's also a personal decision to allow me relieve the stress/dysphoria i feel for having been born in a body i dont relate very well with (hey im a virgin LOL).

im new to my gender issues. previously i was forcing myself to be male, but then i understood im a female and i fell into a crisis and i cried cried cried a lot (they say boys dont cry, but im not a boy!!!). my fake male personality i had built all these years served me well for surviving thru school etc (even though i had gender-"atypical" behaviour since child years, playing with dolls etc), but now i found my true inner nature: im a girl, with an androgynous personality, but essentially a girl!!

I've taken lots of online gender tests, they all confirm im a female. Not an androgyne, a female! Only once, in the beginning of my realization, the COGIATI test said im an androgyne (score 65), but then after a few months my score was 275 and more recently 165 (probable transsexual). My SAGE test score is 665 (MTF serious candidate for SRS surgery). Similarly the BBC test says i've got a female brain, and sometimes when I chat on-line using a gender-neutral name people believe i'm female (no, without me referring to feminism etc! just general chat!).

so what do i do now? i've been socialized as a male, so i never had the socialization genetic girls have, and i also never had a gf (but the closests friends i ever had were females) so im a female who doesnt really know much about how women actually live! I fix this by making more female friends, reading women's magazines, etc! so i try to raise my "female IQ" as much as I can and bring it up to that of a natal woman, all without making alterations to my body, just by "changing" my mind!:) I also letting my hair grow, and I'm into nail-polishing and all-body shaving (well most of it, cant reach in the back LOL!). I also plan to start training my voice so that I can produce more feminine patterns whenever I want! I'm not into full cross-dressing yet, but I do accessorize with women's bags etc. (yes, in public like shopping, walking down the street etc... as long as it's safe)

I believe changing one's appearance either with clothing, hormones, or surgery is a basic human right and must be respected, and I've great admiration for all people who've chosen the difficult path of medically transitioning. It's a good thing if you can learn to feel comfortable in your natural body, but if you really can withstand the pain, the societal disapproval, and the high cost then I applaud everyone who finally chooses to transition. It's just not for everyone and some people might need to spend some time as genderqueers/androgynous before embarking on life-changing decisions.

I haven't posted here in a million years. I'm looking for anyone in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, or even the GTA or further out, who would like to have someone they can talk to about transitioning, the lack of medically transitioning, being seen/treated as male no matter what stage (or lack thereof) of transitioning you're in... Basically, I'd love to meet some local people who feel like I do and want to be around someone who respects their choice(s) and treats them as the male they wish to be treated as. I need someone to be male with on those days when I am able to be all out male! :) I'm also looking to give support and friendliness to someone who might be lonely and feeling their maleness is not validated or accepted enough for whatever reason.

In short, need an understanding friend who accepts you as male no matter what? Me too! Let me know. :)

Does anyone here lead a "double life" and have no intention of ever coming out to certain people? I have one identity that I use with my family and at work and another that I use with close friends and people I can I feel I can trust. To my surprise, it hasn't been all that bad leading a double life. As long as I can keep my temptation to go on hormones at bay, I think I can handle this.

Hey, I'm Rinna (I also go by Rin) and I'm sixteen years old. I don't know whether or not that invalidates me; I still have a lot to learn about myself. Still, I've been feeling for years that there are days when I just can't be female, though my body dictates it. I want boyish hands. I want a flat(ter) chest. I want thinner lips.

Then again, I don't want to change my body. I am how I am. It's how I was made, and I think I'm okay with that. I know how I want to look; I'm not planning on letting anyone see my bits, ever, so I don't see the need to transition, for myself.

And, still, there are some days when I want to have smooth legs and red lips and slender hands and breasts. I want to wear skirts; I want to parade around and be happy with myself, rather than wearing knee-length shorts and hiding what little chest I do have under sweaters and t-shirts.

Up until very recently, I didn't know what I wanted. I was waffling between ignoring my thoughts and referring to myself only as female, and calling myself male. I realized, though, that I think I know what I want. I don't want to 'be' either male or female; I want to be both. I want to... be. Being a boy comes more strongly for me, more naturally, and I can 'pass' as one just fine (I get mistaken for a boy even when I'm not trying), and being a girl is what I'm used to... There's a lot for me to think about, isn't there? 

But, I'm learning.

Hi everyone

I`m decided to register here, because I`m not sure if I would ever take hormons or not.
My situation is this, my body seems to be female, but I do feel more like androgyn male or maybe like a hermaphrodit. Because of this I`m very unsure, if I should take hormon or not. I don`t want become too male, but on the other side, I just feel wrong with my female body. 
To time I just want find out, if there`s a way to become androgyn with hormon. (It seems not many people can`t say anything about this.. There just scared when i tell thinked about combine testosteron and progesteron for example. (Progesteron I want take, because it helps stopping produce to much DHT, which have more masculinized effects than Testo. ) But I`m really unsure how hormon works and so.

To time I try to become more looking male with make sport and get some muscles. I also try to lose my fat, but it just don`t work... (I don`t think that I  eat too much and too wrong. Ok sure I do eat sometimes things like McDonalds or like eating sweets... But I think it don`t make the most part of my eating..)
I search espeacially tipps how lose a female ass.. Because I`m really scared that I have a female ass, when I`m thin... O_O (Too time just everything is too fat.. )

Ok, I think I wouldn`t live without transition, because I want do the  mastectomie.


Ok, now  a litle bit about my person. I`m 22 years old. My hobbies are drawing, watching movies, read books/manga/comics, listen to music and Interest in japanese and korean culture. I`m from switzerland, so my english isn`t very good. O_O (Yeah correct my english if I do very strange things)

Ok hope that`s enough about me, just ask me, if you want know something. ^^

Hi, my name is Saku and I am 25 years old. I don't want to medically transition because while I see myself as male mentally, I enjoy having my body look as it is (female) as well as looking male. I'm currently looking into breast binders to start me off, as i haven't been able to dress as a male since my teenage years, due to the fact I have rather large breasts. I've been looking over this site, but I have no idea what is recommended or if there is even anything offline in my area.

I am glad I found this community, as I had been led to believe you could not FTM without surgery, and surgery is not something I want, considering the above. I've been told I was only 'playing around' all of my life. Now my eyes are open, and I feel like I can get back what I need again. It makes me very happy, but nervous as well.

I am hoping to get to know all of you, and make friends within this community.

Hi all.  I'm a 41 year old who is just now coming to terms with being FTM.  I came out around 16/17 and my family and a psychiatrist who was brought in to assess my situation.  My family was very upset.  The psychiatrist who was some kind of gender specialist dismissed me.   So, I've been trying to be a girl for over 20 years.  About 7 or 8 years ago I started having feelings that I might be more male than female and I pushed those feelings back down every time that they came up.  In the past year I have come to realize and start to accept that I am trans.

I can't see myself transitioning.  I have a straight husband and a son.  I am out to my husband and one friend of mine.  I have found that I have isolated myself because I fear that I might not be accepted and I can't allow people to really know me.  I worry about losing my husband, who for a straight retro-sexual has been as accepting as I could possibly hope, but who would also not stay with me if I transition.  It is hard to not think about transitioning, but I am kind of effeminate and I think that I would have a hard time passing anyway.  I am glad to have found this place and read some of the situations here and know that I am not alone.

Hey everyone, my cousin is helping me put together a work-out/diet plan to help achieve a more masculine body naturally and at a good rate.

I've been doing my own thing gym wise and have seen great results, but now I'm just trying to get myself more on a focused plan.

Anyways, I have also started looking into natural testosterone boosting supplements, such as T Bomb, and Tribulus Terrestris, and I was wondering if anybody has used these products, or something like them, and found good results in helping achieve a more masculine body naturally. Any experiences or thoughts are greatly appreciated.